Book Review: What Nobody Knew

Hey book lovers! I was recently asked to review What Nobody Knew by Amelia Hendrey. It's a book about her life growing up in an abusive environment around her dad and step mum. It's a story of abuse, violence, coming to terms with life and how to get by on your own. I recommend not reading this if you will be triggered by the abuse and violence.

Trigger Warning

This review contains sensitive content such as abuse, violence, rape and suicide. Please stop reading at any point if you feel triggered by these events.

Review

I have wanted to read Amelia's book, What Nobody Knew, for a while now so when she messaged me asking if I would like to review a copy, I jumped at the chance. I knew it would be a hard read, having gone through abuse myself, but it was even more graphic than I expected.

However, I think that it's important that Amelia went into so much detail of the violence, as it will open up people's eyes to what really happens behind closed doors. Amelia's story is an important one and lays out what it's like to have to keep quiet when you know you'll get hurt if you tell anyone what is really going on.

Domestic abuse is still a taboo topic. I know that there are organisations out there spreading the message - I even worked for a domestic abuse charity and heard the awful things that people were going through. But we need more coverage out there. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and over 750,000 cases of child abuse are reported in the UK each year. We need books like Amelia's to bring to light what happens behind closed doors.

As you can probably tell, I am very passionate about this subject, so receiving a copy of this book was really interesting to me. I've never read anything like it. The closest I've gotten to reading about abuse is in Jacqueline Wilson's Lola Rose, which I adored.

Reading about how Amelia was abandoned by her mum as a child and brought up with an alcoholic, abusive father was scary. I can't imagine how she must have felt. The book mentions suicide because sometimes that feels like the only way out of such a terrifying situation.

I remember reading it thinking, it can't get worse than this, it just can't. She described her dad beating her, punching her and throwing her down the stairs. I thought it would get better as she went to boarding school as they couldn't hurt her anymore. But I was wrong. There are, of course, the holidays where you go back home. And that's when it got worse. This part of the book goes into detail about rape and how Amelia had to go to court to take her father to prison. It's such a devastating feeling knowing that rape happens, but when you're reading about it and the repercussions that it has, it is truly heartbreaking and eye-opening.

This book is a must read and we need more books like this to help people speak up. You don't have to go through it alone. Amelia thought she did. She had no one and then when she found people willing to help her, there was hope. It's heartbreaking and tragic but there's also a message of hope. Don't give up the fight.

Until next time, love, Vee x

Living with Anxiety and Depression

I wrote a post quite a while ago about coping with anxiety but I would like to also share a post about what I'm currently going through and maybe, just maybe, someone else is going through the same situation and feelings and this can help you feel less alone.

I have a wonderful partner, a job that's going to further my career and a supportive family. But all these things don't stop the anxiety and depression that goes through me on a day to day basis. I don't always experience it - but it can be a constant feeling throughout the day or a niggling feeling I can't explain which only makes me MORE anxious.

Anxiety can occur in many different ways in lots of different situations. It could be anything from walking down the street to being in a busy shopping centre.

Going out of the house a few years ago was almost impossible until my partner encouraged me and soon I was visiting him in London and going out alone again. Since then I'm able to walk to work most days (some days I become anxious about walking in case I feel anxious - I know, anxious about being anxious) to work and I'm able to get a train and tube on my own to my partner's house.

I still can't set foot in a mall on my own and I become anxious about the smallest things such as calling someone, letting someone down or admitting how I feel.

Some days I struggle to get out of bed because I don't want to face a stressful day at work or I don't want to get up out of the safeness of my bed. Having anxiety and depression is like having two people yelling at each other. Anxious me: "Get out of bed! You can't be late! You are going to feel ill. You'll never feel better." Depressive me: "I don't want to get out of bed. It's unsafe outside. No one cares anyway."

The difference now is that I'm able to push myself further than I have before. I've just completed a journey through London I didn't think I would ever be able to do and little accomplishments such as that mean a great deal to someone like me with anxiety.

My advice to you would be to celebrate these little things - in the end they will be the start of you taking big steps. Not every day will be easy, but it's better to know there are other people going through the same thing as you.

At the moment I struggle to see when I will feel better, more confident in myself again. But it's there, in the not too distant future. Whether it's counselling that I need or just encouraging myself in general, I will get there and so will you. This journey may be hard but it's not impossible. Lots of people think anxiety is something you can't overcome, that it will be with you for the rest of your life. But that's not true; we are able to overcome great obstacles in life, including anxiety.

Believing in yourself will be a great resource to you. I know this can be hard when you have anxiety coupled with depression, but I hope one day you see you will be happy, you will overcome these obstacles. And if you can't see that yet, I can see it for you.