Why I'm Afraid to Succeed

Hey guys. So this week's blog is a very personal one for me. It's all about why I'm afraid of succeeding and reaching my goals. I hope others can relate to this, and that this post gives you some comfort in knowing others struggle with this too.

One of my goals in life is to become an editor in a publishing house. I'm really determined to gain as much experience in editing and proofreading as possible and I have enrolled myself on to a CPD diploma in Proofreading, Journalism and Editing. I have various experience with writing but from what a lot of research tells me, it's a very competitive career path.

This is why I would like to study English Literature and Creative Writing at university. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to actually go for it. It may be the debt, money or job aspect holding me back, but ultimately I'm stopping myself applying through my own self-doubt.

There are lots of thoughts in my head right now saying that I can't do this, that I can't succeed and do a degree. I know these thoughts are self-sabotaging and degrading. But there's the little devil on my shoulder saying not to do it, that it'll ruin everything. When in actual fact, this is something I really want and need to do for my career. Will it be hard? Yes, definitely. Will I struggle with money? Probably, but this is an investment in myself. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. I just need to ask myself if, when I'm old, will I regret not doing it? And the answer is yes, I would regret not studying.

I've been looking into university since I was able to use the computer; it's something I really wanted to do, which is why I went into school at the age of fourteen. I had been homeschooled up until this point, so as you can imagine, it was a shock to my system going straight into high school. I ended up having panic attacks and had to leave school for my mental health. I've struggled with chronic anxiety ever since then.

I made it my mission to complete my GCSEs at home through the NEC (National Extension College) where I took English Literature, English Language and Science. We could only afford a few GCSEs which meant I wasn't able to go to college. But with the Open University, I'm able to study part time or full time and it's completely flexible for me.

I need to push myself into new adventures because otherwise I'll be stuck in the same place forever. So take the leap of faith - I'll be right there beside you. Whether it's going for a job interview, applying for university or even travelling. You can do anything if you work hard and put your mind to it!

I hope this blog post is helpful in some way to you. Until next time! Love, Vee x